


Living

by Winteriscomingforsteve



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Epilepsy, Epileptic Poe, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Poe Dameron, Hurt poe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Seizures, Sickfic, The Resistance is running out of supplies, poe has epilepsy but finn does not know, sick poe, the resistance, worried finn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-16 10:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winteriscomingforsteve/pseuds/Winteriscomingforsteve
Summary: The Resistance is running low on medical supplies and this is most definitely not a small problem for Poe. Not a small problem at all.Or where Poe has epilepsy and Finn doesn’t know yet.





	1. Chapter 1: Learning

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my very first fanfiction written for the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy. Please do let me know if there are any mistakes I have made, especially with some of the descriptions having to do with seizures and epilepsy. Thank you in advance for reading.

Poe downs his pill every morning at 7:00 A.M. without fail. He does not forget, he does not pretend as though it is not necessary for his health. Poe throws back a cup of water with the little orange tablet every day and then forgets about it until twenty-four hours later when he repeats the same process again. Poe goes to pharmaceutical distributer and restocks his tablets every three months. Poe goes to Doctor Kalonia once a month so she can perform routine check and ask him if his takes his pills, which he does. 

Poe takes his damn medicine.

Poe can’t help but let the anger wash over him as he sits fidgeting in front of both General Organa and Doctor Kalonia and is told, much to his disbelief, that he no longer will be able to take his medicine. It should be relieving and an absolute joy to Poe’s ears after years submitting to the annoying process of medicating himself day in and day out. However, the context is absolutely disturbing and it burns through Poe’s chest like a sword stabbing through soft flesh. 

“You- what?” Poe is sitting on the very edge of the flimsy chair, his eyes locked with Kalonia’s deadly serious pair. 

“I can’t prescribe the same dosage as I usually do, Poe.” Kalonia repeats calmly as Poe’s brain nearly shorts out. 

“That means I- you know that means I can’t fly,” Poe’s voice is dangerously wavering, possibly raising an octave or two, “I can’t get in the cockpit with this.” Poe motions dramatically in the direction of his head with one hand. His other hand grips the edge of the chair and his knuckles are white. 

“We know Poe.” The general steps forward and manages to uncurl Poe’s hand from the plastic seat.

“You know we have barely been able to send out for supply runs recently, Commander. The medicines we have now need to be rationed at all costs in the case that we have to leave D’Qar under pressures from the order. We are simply unable to afford the risk of securing anymore supplies if the mission itself could danger the lives in the resistance.” Poe understands, he really does. He knows just by the look on Doctor Kalonia’s face that she personally does not want to do this to Poe. 

“So what am I supposed to do then? Mop the floors and wait the war out?” He doesn’t mean to come across as dispirited, but his mind is still not completely processing this newest shock. 

“Well Commander, there are two options for you, one of which includes continuing to fly.” Poe looks up at this and sees Leia harboring a small smile on her face. “Either you take a quarter of a pill every day and lay low, or you only take your medicine on missions. You know, Poe, how that will go though. It certainly will not be pleasant.” Leia gives him a meaningful look and Poe knows exactly what she is getting at. He chooses not to care. 

“The second option is my choice and that’s final. The Resistance needs me in the air.” Dr. Kaloni goes to protest, likely wanting to spit out some convincing proof that Poe absolutely should consider the first option for the sake of his own health, but Poe is already out of his seat and pushing toward the door in a slightly embarassing angry march. 

“Commander Dameron, stop for just a second.” The General’s authority rolls off of her tongue with ease and Poe immediately calms himself down enough the stop in his tracks. “You need to tell Finn, Poe. He deserved to know.”

“I know.” Kriff. Poe had momentarily forgotten that he had not yet informed his own partner of his medical condition. 

-Kriff.-

.

Poe briskly maneuvers himself through the tight hallways of the base. His entire body is tense and his fists are clenched at his sides. Of course Poe had somehow entirely neglected the fact that his own boyfriend and now best friend, did not in fact know the full extent of Poe’s “medical issues.”

It has not bothered Poe for years, his epilepsy. The medication — the anticonvulsants — did its job well. He has not had a seziure in nearly three years (minus that one time he had accidently forgotten to take a singular dose) and he was happy to forget about that one thing, that to him, seemed to make him weak. Finn obviously knows that Poe is medicated for some reason. He watches Poe reluctantly gulp down the pill every morning. However, Poe did not plan on telling Finn something of this magnitude so soon. Maybe thinking he could hide it for years was a little... ambitious. Possibly. 

Poe decides not to dwell on it. He wasn’t going to tell Finn today thats for sure; he could wait to think about it until it was absolutely crucial. He would rather enjoy his first evening home after a five day mission without Finn worrying as he always does. 

Poe’s mulling distracted him and he somehow ends up in the canteen rather than his and Finn’s shared room. With a sigh, Poe decides to get his and Finn’s nightly portions to bring back to their shared quarters. He is sure that the other resistance members already know about the supply shortage and he certainly does not want to be approached by sympathetic acquaintances who will bring up Poe’s unfortunate situation. 

He gets into the queue right behind Jess and Snap who are animatedly discussing some type of conspiracy theory having to do with the Rebellion. Poe stands quietly a few meters behind them trying not to draw any attention to himself. 

“Hey there’s our favorite daredevil,” Jess slaps him on the shoulder as she references Poe’s, frankly, quite dangerous risks he had taken during the mission, “How was the meeting with the General. I heard it was something about supply logistics.” Jess takes a scoop of the slop-like substance that is being served for dinner and slaps it onto her tray. 

“Well, your right about the supplies. It seems that there is going to a slight increase in rationing, especially in the med wing. Apparently medical supplies are dwindling and it’s too risky to send out a ship for new stocks.” Poe replies miserably He feels both Jess and Snap’s eyes lingering on him as he dumps a spoonful of dinner on both of his trays. 

“Uh- that doesn’t apply to you, does it?” Snap carefully meets Poe’s eyes. Poe just shakes his head somberly and pushes a few scoops of food onto the trays in front of him. 

“Oh kriff, Poe. I’m so fucking sorry.” Jess rubs a gentle hand down Poe’s arm. Poe swears she can feel him shaking under his flight suit. 

“The General says I can still fly, but only if I keep my medicine for missions.” Poe informs. 

“You’ll have to tell Finn then. You know it won’t be long until it happens.” 

“I-fuck- I know. I just don’t want him to worry. He worries too much as it is.” Poe punches his finger into the scanner twice to pay for the meals. 

“It’s probably for the better though, Dameron. You would have to tell him eventually anyway. Don’t get too stressed about it.” Snap leaves Poe with that very mediocre advice and Poe says his goodbyes. 

.

Poe nearly drops both trays of food as he fumbles to try and press the pad of his thumb against the sensor by the door. Finn must hear his cursing from outside of the room, because suddenly BB-8 is rushing out of the room and beeping insistently as he rolls behind Poe and pushes him into the room toward Finn. 

-Friend-Finn misses you dearly! Friend-Finn says he has been waiting forever and BB-8 was getting worried!-

Poe laughs gently at BB-8’s worried beeps and focuses on trying to get the trays onto the measly corner table before the goop becomes his dress instead of his dinner. 

“He’s not wrong you know. You’ve been gone for at least forever in my opinion.” Poe turns around once the food has been properly secured and finds Finn stood in just his boxers and a sweat-soaked t-shirt, but smiling widely. Poe does’t respond verbally, and instead moves forward to bury his face in the crook of Finn’s neck. Gods he’s missed him. 

They stay like that for several minutes as Poe inhales the smell of Finn. He wonders how he managed to go five days without going insane; the days without Finn always seemed to drag on like an unappealing yet neverending dream. 

“Babe?” Poe feels the rumble of Finn’s voicebox after several minutes. A gentle hand strokes the back of his head and tucks a rogue curl behind his ear. 

“Hmm...?” Poe grumbles out softly as he slowly peels himself off of Finn’s front. 

“Maybe we eat before the food goes cold? I rather like my gloop warm.” Poe lets out a breathy chuckle and tilts his face up so he can press his lips against Finn’s own soft pair. 

“Not a bad idea buddy,” Poe provides between kisses, “Plus you’ve got a little bit of a stench there.”

“Hey, I was working out with Rey and she does not take it easy at all.” Finn scoffes back at Poe as the elder moves to remove the shell of his flight suit. 

The couple sits on the chairs at opposite sides of the table. Poe sits comfortably now in his own boxers and undershirt and pulls a tray over to his spot. The gloop, much to his surprise, is not the worst thing he has ever eaten. But then again, that might just be because he has not eaten a proper meal in nearly a week. Nevertheless, Poe shovels the food into his mouth at a nearly alarming rate. Poe can see Finn giggling at his mannerisms from across the table. 

“What?” Poe supplies as he chokes down another sticky bite. 

“Nothing, just you being... you. How was the meeting with the General?” Finn’s question causes Poe to freeze in his chewing. He is taken aback by the question because he was not aware that Finn knew about the meeting. What else could Finn know?

“Um- it was alright. Just some basic-uh basic talk about supply stocking.” Well it wasn’t exactly a lie. Finn just nods slightly and takes another bite. 

“Sounds pretty mundane. The general mentioned something about running low on supplies earlier this week. It didn’t sound too serious.” That’s what you think Poe thinks to himself. If only it was not such a kriffing problem. 

The rest of their dinner is mostly filled with usual meal conversation and catching up with each others’ lives. It is not until Finn finishes up telling some outrageous story about a misbehaving droid in the med wing that Poe finally gets up from his chair and proceeds to stretch his sore muscles. 

“Shower together, maybe?” Finn suggests. Poe consents but tells Finn he will meet him in the shower in a few minutes. Finn simply shrugs and pulls off his shirt before shamelessly shucking his boxers and casually sauntering into the ‘fresher. 

Poe, as much as the appealing looks of his mate are distracting, has much more trying issues clouding his thoughts. Poe plucks his flight suit from where it sits in a lump on the floor and attempts to hang it on the singular metal hook situated by the door. It mostly stays planted and Poe takes a second to search his own eyes in the small mirror that sits next to the hook on the wall. 

He looks tired. Poe is tired and exhausted and he does not have the energy to tell Finn, to inform the man he cares about, the man he protects, that he is not as capable as he appears. Another sigh escapes Poe’s lips and he makes himself swear he will tell Finn tomorrow. He wants tonight to be stress free, he wants to live without worry for just one more night. 

Poe eventually gives up staring himself down in the mirror and strips himself of his filthy undershirt and pants. He shakes his head as he picks up his own clothes and Finn’s and places them into the broken box in the corner that doubles as a hamper.

The ‘fresher is steamy when he opens the door to hear Finn humming off key within the quite small cubicle. Poe sees that Finn has got his eyes closed and steps behind Finn with a little smirk plastered across his face. 

Finn is enthusiastically wetting his face and hair under the stream and Poe takes this as his chance and slides his body againt Finn’s back, his hands curling around his hips. Finn immediately lets out a high pitched sound of surprise and jumps a little before looking over his shoulder to find his rugged boyfriend grinning like an idiot. 

“Kriff Poe-“ Finn’s sentence turns into some type of happy moan as Poe mouths over the sensitive pressure point he knows is along Finn’s neck. 

If this is Finn’s last worry free night, Poe is gonna make sure it is a damn good one. 

.

Poe blinks awake to the shrill ring of the alarm next to the bed and Finn’s face smashed endearingly into the hair of his chest. Poe smiles and reaches out an arm to slap at the alarm. Once the sound has successfully been stopped (possibly after a few minutes of cursing and swatting about aimlessly in search of the off button, but no one needs to know that), Poe reaches out to gently stroke Finn’s cheek with his thumb and lets out a contented sigh. He wishes he could stay in bed all day with Finn attached to his chest, but he knows he has to get up and take his day in stride, like usual. 

As gently as he can, Poe maneuvers himself out from underneath Finn. The younger of the two sleeps on but whines a bit and clenches his hands helplessly as if he doesn’t want Poe to go. Still, Poe begins to move and eventually extracts himself leaving Finn sprawled out across the fairly small bed. 

Poe goes to the ‘fresher and takes one look at himself in the minature mirror and decides a shower would do him well, especially after the previous night’s activities. 

After bearing an absolutely freezing shower by choice, Poe dried himself, brushed his teeth, used the toilet, and ended up searching through the singular cabinet for the medicine bottle. 

Poe shakes the small orange capsule into his palm and lets out a puff of air. He fills up the glass by the sink and downs it in one swallow. 

Now to enjoy the rest of the day then Poe thinks wearily. 

.

Poe has been off of his medication for three days. He has successfully been purged of his anticonvulsants and although he thinks he should probably feel free for the first time in years, he feels even more trapped by his fear of succumbing to a seizure, succumbing to his weakness. 

Everyone knows; the higher-ups know, the General knows, the pilots know, his squadron knows, the medical staff knows, hell, even the janitors know. They all know, and many of them have witnessed his body going against the will of his mind. Who does not know? Well, Poe has yet to tell Finn. He knows he needs to; he knows by the looks of pity thrown at him by the occasional passerby in the hall, by the way Finn silently questions him about why he has stopped taking his pills, by the way Snap and Jess chastise him. 

It’s hard though. Without an apparent pending threat of a seizure after days lacking any unusual symptoms, Poe is almost managing to convince himself that he won’t need to tell Finn. 

Gods, I have to tell him. He is all I care about. I love him and I need to tell him. 

It is lunchtime after a grueling morning of performing heavy mechanical work on his X-Wing. The latest mission had ended in a slightly less than stellar landing, and although on the surface the ship looked presentable, Poe not only desired a visually pleasing ship, but also a functioning one. 

Finally, after hours of slaving over his work with BB-8 spouting out warnings of caution nearly every minute, Poe is forced by Jess to, “Take a goddamn break!” 

Poe arrives alongside his fellow pilots and smiles warmly as he sees Finn sitting at their usual table talking excitedly to an equally excited Rey who looks like she has just been informed of a new life-changing invention. He can’t help but sprout a small grin at their happiness. Even if they are in the midst of a losing war, Finn and Rey especially are well-deserving of a little joy. 

Poe decides to forgo having a meal and goes for a piping cup if caf. He hasn’t properly slept in several days whilst on a particularly time sensitive mission and he feels relatively nauseous as it is. The thought of plowing through a meal dense with bread and vegetables sounds incredibly unappealing to his turning stomach and fatigued limbs. 

After securing a cup of black caf, Poe basically stumbles back to the table where Jess has already made herself at home and is engaging Rey in some intense hyperbole of a flight story. Poe himself staggers into his normal seat right next to Finn. The latter, seeing Poe’s shaky hands about to spill the caf, curses softly and procures the hot cup from Poe’s trembling fingers and delivers it effectively to the table. 

“Poe, darling, you feeling alright?” Finn’s hand are on Poe’s sides and are pushing at his shoulders. Poe closes his eyes and nods as Finn guides him down into his chair. 

“M’fine Finn. Jus’ tired s’all.” Poe feels the words stick in his mouth more than usual. Damn, he really, really needs some caf. Poe does not see the questioning look that Finn shoots in his direction, but he can almost feel the annoyance radiating through his skin where Finn’s fingers are still pressed firmly into his shoulders. 

It is more than just a few seconds before Poe realizes that his eyes have been shut for an uncharacteristically long period of time for a person claiming to be awake and instantly blinks them open rapidly needing to prove to Finn that he is well. Possibly just okay. Maybe fine. 

Poe lets out a half pained and half surprised yelp when a bright light flashes in front of his eyes as soon as they open. His hands immediately fly to cover his eyes. 

“Poe!” Finn’s voice pierces brutally into Poe’s ears and Poe moans softly trying to somehow indicate that Finn should stop screaming but his voice isn’t working and the words are not materializing. His brain is trying to push out the sentences. Poe wants to tell Finn he is well, he wants to spout out strings of assurances but his head is in overdrive and his tongue feels heavy where it presses against the backs of his teeth. He feels the unusual grip of anxiety as it tears through his body in threatening waves and he holds himself still and quiet.

Poe hears Finn trying to grab his attention but he isn’t listening. Poe’s body is wracked with a final wave of intense yet unnecessary and unbearable worry. He can feel his fingers trembling as they grip at someone else’s. When did those get there?

He feels a small hand against his back and another on his chest as he tries to breathe. They are not Finn’s sturdy hands, but they hold him steady and it almost helps. The feeling of helpless worry fades almost as quickly as it comes and Poe feels exhausted. 

Poe allows himself to relax momentarily, eyes still closed. He brings his unsteady hands to his face and feels tears where they shouldn’t be. 

“Poe... are you alright?” Finn’s voice is soft this time, barely above a whisper. His words are laced with concern and it makes Poe tense. 

“I-I don’t know. I don’t know what just happened. I — kriffing hell — it was too much at once.” Poe is afraid to open his eyes. The light had been absolutely blinding. 

“I think I know what happened.” Jess’s voice is right next to him and he knows who has been steadying him. “What did you see when you opened your eyes?”

“Bright light.”

“And when Finn yelled?”

“It stung my ears.”

“And the sudden anxiety...” Jess whispers under her breath. “Poe, we need to get you to the medbay. Now. Up you go.” Jess stands but Poe makes no move to do likewise. 

“What- Jess, why does he need to go to the medbay?” Finn’s voice was higher than usual and suddenly, it clicked. 

I’m about to have a fucking seizure. Fuck. 

“Because he is about the have a fucking seizure.”

It’s certianly not optimal for Finn to learning Poe’s epilepsy now. Poe feels the guilt wash over him among other aura related feelings and yet is presides. He waited too long. 

“Why is he going to have a seizure? Poe doesn’t have seizures. He doesn’t even get sick!” Poe decides that now might not be the best time to break the news, but he will try to do so as softly as he can. He proceeds to open his eyes. 

“Buddy,” Poe’s eyes water against the light but he looks up at Finn anyway. The man bears a horrible look of discouragement, andger, and worry all at once, “You know those pills I take?” Poe pushes out, his muscles in his mouth still working against him. 

“Yes.” Finn answers flatly but the way he says it breaks a piece off of Poe’s heart. 

“They are for epilepsy, the pills. I take them and I don’t get seizures. Anticonvulsants.” Poe is trying to be calm but the look on his boyfriend’s face coupled with the fact that he is quite possibly about to seize speeds up his already frantic pulse. Poe doesn’t get to soothe Finn like he planned to. Poe doesn’t get to lay with Finn’s head on his chest as the man’s tears soak into his t-shirt. He doesn’t get to reassure him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. He doesn’t get to tell Finn it will be okay. 

“Poe we need to go.” Jess is tugging at his wrist. Poe is standing but his body is fighting him at every movement. 

“Finn I- gods I’m fucking sorry. I meant to tell-“ Poe can’t finish his sentence. His body is no longer in control and his vision and consciousness is fading. Poe’s thoughts run rampant. 

-I’m sorry Finn.-


	2. Chapter 2: Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So sorry I have not been able to update this as soon as I had planned. I struggled a but with the description of a seizure and I still do not think it is even close to accurate. However, I have decided to extend the length of this fic to three chapters! I could not fit everything into the second chapter that I wanted to so I plan to write a thurd chapter. Thank you for waiting patiently and I hope you enjoy! (Also, feel free to please offer up any critiques or point out any mistakes or inaccuracies)

Finn cannot breath. His mind is flying, his skin is hearing, his eyes are _breathing._  Everything is wrong and electricity is running from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. His heart beat is loud in his ears as he watches, frozen in place as Jess yells something out and scrambles to catch Poe before he falls out of his chair. She says something to Finn who is holding Poe’s unsteady torso in his arms. Finn is not listening, his brain is not processing.

Finn watches Poe’s eyes roll into their sockets in terror and he feels the unnatural tensing of the muscles that rest under his fingertips.

“Give ‘em here, Finn!” Jess’ voice is loud and Finn looks up to her shakily as he continues to grip Poe’s now trembling form, “Now.” She leans toward Finn and makes aggressive eye-contact. Her voice is softer but is sharper and has an almost harsh quality to it. Finn releases his grip on Poe.

“We need to get him onto the floor, Rey?” Jess motions Rey over who stands rigidly out of her seat looking on with a stony stare of disbelief and worry. Rey follows the order immediately and pushes Finn back a little in his chair so she can take a hold of Poe’s legs. Jessika’s arms are already gripping Poe’s armpits and the pair lower Poe to the floor gently.

“Give me your jacket.” Jess demands of Finn, her eyes conveying dead seriousness as she holds out an open hand. Finn wastes no time stripping himself of his - Poe’s - jacket, and deposits it into Jess’ palm quickly. She rolls the fabric into a ball shaped cushion and unceremoniously shoves it underneath Poe’s head.

Rey and Jess push Poe’s tensing body onto its side and sit back a little, crouching with outstretched fingers, waiting for Poe’s body to hurt itself.

Finn watches. His heart wrenches painfully in his chest as he looks down at his partner who looks small and helpless on the floor. Poe’s body seems to contract as a whole and his back arches abnormally. Finn is horrified as Poe’s face begins to turn a shade of purple.

“Wh-is he not breathing?” Finn’s voice is tight and he thrusts himself from a chair and falls to his knees by Poe’s head. Finn reaches out, not sure how he can help Poe, but he knows he needs to try. Jess takes clasps one of Finn’s hovering hands and brings it back to his side.

“It will be over in a minute, he’s just not getting enough air, Finn.” Jess’ words are meant to comfort but Finn’s nerves go up another notch. Finn subconsciously holds his own breath and lets Rey hold him back.

“Trying to touch him might hurt him more.” Rey tells him calmly, her hand running firmly down his arm. Finn wants to scream, he wants to shake Poe awake and make sure he is fine and breathing. He wants to bring Poe back to their room and tuck him into their bed.

Suddenly Poe’s limbs are jerking out of control and Finn lets himself shed a few tears. He wants to tear his eyes away and shield himself from having to painfully witness Poe losing control of his own body, but he can’t seem to work up the will to do so. Finn instead bites his lip and watches as Poe suddenly seems to urinate without warning. Finn cries out for Poe’s modesty as he sees the other Resistance memebers who were milling about in the room gather around.

Jess seems to sense Finn’s discomfort and she speaks up with authority, “Either you all get medical or leave Poe the hell alone.” The people look at her with wide eyes and back away from the scene, some mumbling out that they will get medical on their way.

Jess looks back down to Poe’s body where Finn’s wet eyes are fixed. The tremors in his body are slowing as the seconds tick by and Finn finally lets out a sigh, or maybe a cry, of partial relief as Poe’s body falls still and his face begins to lose its bluish hue.

“Poe!” Finn is now yelling but Poe remains unconcious and silent except for the steady sound of his breathing as the air runs through his nose against the floor.

“Finn, he will awaken soon. You do not have to yell.” Rey instructs calmly and helps Finn up from where he kneels on the floor. Finn stands reluctantly and only peels his eyes from his boyfriend’s body when he hears the sounds of feet pounding on the floor from a distance away. “See it’s medical, Finn. It will be just fine.” Rey honestly sounds a bit shaky and unsure of her own words, but Finn nods anyway.

“He will be okay.”

The medical team is pushing a gurney toward the scene and Dr. Kalonia leads in front of them, her nurses almost left in the dust.

“What-What happened?” Doctor Kalonia reaches the scene and immediately crouches down to take Poe’s pulse.

“He’s had a seizure, a tonic-clonic.” Jessika provides and trails a hand across Poe’s own. “Called for medical just in case anything went wrong. It was only a minute and thirty-three seconds.” Finn looks up from his place next to Rey. It was only that kriffing long? It had felt like hours.

“He should be awake soon then. We will wait and make sure nothing has gone wrong.” Jess nods in confirmation and takes a small step back from Poe to allow Doctor Kalonia a little more space.

It is not fifteen seconds more of silence before Poe shifts slightly and follows with a pained moan. Finn lets out his own moan and fights Rey’s grip and protests to drop down to the floor.

“Poe? Can you hear me?” Doctor Kalonia’s voice barely goes above a whisper as she helps Poe roll onto his back. Poe opens his eyes in several purposeful blinks. However, as soon as his eyes perceive bright light he snaps them shut and moves a shaky hand to clasp over his eyes.

“Hmm?” Poe lets out confused sound and Dr. Kalonia’s question is answered.

“Poe, you have just had a seizure. It lasted around a minute and thirty-three seconds. We are currently in the canteen.” Dr. Kalonia spoke in slow sentences in attempt to hopefully ease Poe’s confusion. “Can you tell me how you are feeling Commander?”

Poe remains still and quiet except for the sound of his breathing. Finn fidgets where he stands looming above his boyfriend. Momentarily he is worried that perhaps Poe’s lack of response is indicated some medical crisis or another seizure.

“Have a headache.” Poe says after a long minute. He rubs his one hand over his eyes, “Tired, wanna go back to t’ room.”

“Okay Poe. Are you feeling any pain?”

“Jus’ sore.” He still has yet to attempt to move at all and it concerns Finn. However, Dr. Kalonia does not look particularly worried about this so Finn keeps his mouth shut.

“That’s good Poe.” She pats him gently on the arm and stands to address Finn, Jess, and Rey. She tells them that there appears to be no complications and that they should get Poe to bed. She tells them that Poe will need at least three days out of work and that he will likely spend a couple hours in a confused state until he starts to regain normalcy. She says that Finn should tell her immediately if Poe shows any strange or intense symptoms.

Finn lets these words wash over him but he is not certain that he is comprehending them all. He looks at his exhausted boyfriend on the floor with hazy eyes. He questions why Poe would not tell him about something this important, but he feels equally as responsible for not being proactive in making sure he knew about Poe’s medical needs. He decides not to worry about this trying question and instead chooses to focus on helping Poe recover. That’s what he’ll do.

“Finn, help me get him up, yeah?” Jess’ coaxes him over to where Poe lays. Finn crouches next to Rey who is tapping at Poe’s shoulder.

“Poe, can you please open your eyes?” Rey urges gently and Poe removes his hand from his face.

“Head hurts though.” Poe whines slightly.

“I know but we have to get you up so you can sleep in your room. Finn, help.” Rey pleads. Finn takes a gentle hand and rubs his thumb against Poe’s cheek.

“Poe, babe, open your eyes.” Finn coos.

“Finn!” Poe’s eyes fly open upon hearing the voice of his boyfriend. His eyes do not adjust so quickly and he lets out a pained squeak while he squints up at Finn.

“Poe...” Finn leans down and gently presses his lips to the crown of Poe’s head. Poe mewl’s a little bit under Finn’s touch and Finn feels like he could sob in relief. In fact, tears are forming in the corners of his eyes as he stares down at his partner. Far from healthy, but alive, well, and _breathing_.

“Lets get him up.” Jess instructs and Rey and Finn take each of Poe’s arms to sit him up. Finn sees Poe’s eyes starting to close in exhaustion.

“Hey, hey commander. Keep those open.” Jess points at Poe’s face and he gives the tiniest nod in assurance as not to upset his head.

Poe is lifted to his feet by the collection of his friends. He sways a little at first and the three hiss and grab at him to keep him on his feet. Once he’s steady, they begin to walk.

“Take it easy, sweetheart.” Finn whispers as he wraps his arm around Poe’s core and successfully shoos away Jess and Rey’s arms. The pair stayed close behind as they walk. Finn knew it wasn’t because they did not trust him, rather they were worried about Poe.

The walk was slow and brutal. Poe stumbled; he was tired. Finn was enveloped in stress as they navigated the familiar walls. He wasn’t sure how aware Poe was. He seemed distant and confused at the time and just capable of following Finn’s lead.

Finn arrives at their room after a fifteen minute walk that normally would only take five minutes. Finn hands Poe off to Jess and Rey to unlock the room, and then helps shuffle Poe into the room.

“Shit.” Finn deadpans as he remembers that Poe lost control of his bladder. “We need to take care of that.” Finn’s voice was a whisper and he looked up to try and catch Poe’s eye. Instead, the man once again had his eyes shut lightly. Finn rubs a gentle hand on Poe’s cheek where he stands.

“Lets get you a quick shower, babe.” Poe just groans softly.

.

Poe feels, well... wrong. He can’t remember where he was, what he was doing, and most importantly he doesn’t know where he is currently. He does not possess the energy to open his eyes or much less move. He feels drained physically and mentally. Poe is content to lay in silence.

“Poe?” There is a soft voice near his ear. He can feel the soft rush of breath against his skin. “Are you awake, babe?” There’s a hand running down his arm and it tingles.

His brain somewhat catches up. He is in a bed, right. He can feel the sheets underneath him and their silkiness. He can almost sense where he is, like it’s on the tip of his tongue, but he just can’t seem to place it. Poe fidgets slightly thinking a little movement might help him place where he is.

“Poe?” The voice like music is back and all of a sudden it clicks. Finn. _Damn it_.

It all comes rushing back in an instant; he didn’t tell Finn about the epilepsy, about the / _seizures_ /. Poe’s eyes fly open and he turns to see Finn perched up on one arm next to him. He looks relaxed.

“Hi babe. You feeling alright?” Finn looks concerned, his lips are twisted into a frown.

“I-“ Poe’s words catch in his throat as his guilt makes itself known. “I — _Gods_  — I’m so fucking sorry.” Poe tries to avert his eyes from Finn.

“Hey, hey.” Finn is scooting closer and taking Poe’s still unsteady body into his arms. Poe remains stiff. “I’m not angry Poe. Maybe a little concerned and worried, but I am not angry at you.”

Poe can feel the sincerity of the words and he pushes his face into the crook of Finn’s neck. He breathes the comforting scent of Finn’s skin and lets out a shaky breath.

“I should’ve told you.” Poe whispers after a minute of quiet, the couple laying in each others’ arms.

“You should have.” Finn agrees. “But that’s all over now. I just need you to be safe, right now, in my arms. You had a kriffing seizure.” Finn pulls Poe impossibly closer to his body who just melts into the heat of Finn’s body.

Poe knows it isn’t over; this will not be their final discussion. He knows that Finn is disconcerted and he himself is ashamed. It is all for another time, though.

Today they are content.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I know this leaves off at a place of little resolution, however, the third chapter should cover this very thoroughly. Also, I did little grammatical checking so please do tell me if you see any glaring issues. 
> 
> Once again, please do let me know if y’all see something I should change. All of your reads are so much so appreciated and kudos/comments/bookmarks are basically my oxygen. 
> 
> The final chapter should be coming sooner than later!

**Author's Note:**

> You have made it to the end of Chapter 1. Comments, kudos, and critiques are much appreciated. Chapter 2 should be up very shortly. Thank you again for reading!


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